27
May
14

Searching for Gobi

I wrote this blog while running this morning. To explain, I ran alone today and as we all know solo time is thinking time. Good or bad it is what we do. As I said on Facebook I am not sure I will write all that was in my head as some things are best left between a man and the open road.

Before assumptions are made nothing fired this blog off except that I had 12 miles of my own space to run in this morning and my mind went wondering and in that wondering it was all about me and how I see the past and the future, of course the last 8 years were part of this mornings journey but they were only a part not the reason. Life is about opportunity and how you deal with the challenges. Mmy blog has become a great place for me to deal with things so here goes.

Reflecting on the past and looking to the future pretty much sums up this mornings run hence the title and the end. What does it all mean though?

Looking at the past, I mean 15 years ago, I mean 10 years ago, back to a time when I was not the person I became. This is trying to find me, what did I do before? What do I miss? What can I do now? What do I want to do now?

Looking forward and top of my list is Bob. I have been given an opportunity and seeing her often matters. I am so glad that through everything I have a good relationship with her and her mother. Looking forward to getting my snowboard out and going cycling.

What I am finding is that enjoying my motorbike is high on my agenda, this means museums, the Ace Cafe, MOTORSPORT. Oh yes plans to see BSB, WSB, MotoGP possibly even Touring cars if I can. Going to movies, god I miss the movies. Feels like I have a decade of films to catch up on. The most interesting one is cooking. I’m not talking about food to impress Egon Ronay but the fact is I want to cook and not just make pancakes once a year. This part of life is easy to rediscover and just involves doing it as in a lot of ways it is selfish and all about me.

Cycling, I am not even sure what I want to do on the bike beyond ride it a lot, 10 years ago I was a triathlete about to become an ultra distance runner. 15 years ago there was no bike. I’d like to say that I love the turbo trainer now but it is under the bed :¬) Rollers on the other and are out for use and I have been spending 30 to 60 mins on them quite often. Used more in 3 months than in 3 years. Turns out I can catch up on old movies over a few days, this should mean a little bit of online shopping as I start filling in the gaps of movies I missed. Also means I will watch some total shit. Oh well you can’t get it right all the time. Hopefully this season will give me the answers I need and next year I will have a better planned year. Right now although I am training well racing is hit and miss and I know most of the time this is a mental thing to do with the more immediate past.

Running is an interesting one, thought provoking in all sorts of ways. As soon as I do a little I am competitive at local level but I know I will hurt myself again if I am not careful. I am not sure what desires I have but running has always been a part of me and it won’t go away. Strangely I have learned that the ultra desire is GONE, this is true of the bike as well with no desire to do long events. Looking at 5/10kms to keep me ticking and wondering how fast I can go 6 years after my best year but every run is damaging and that worries me. Some days I want to just stop and be a cyclist but there are days I never want to see a bike ever again.

It is at the bottom of this but seeing friends is important and something I am making an effort to do, I feel more apologising is coming and I can deal with that. I may not be forgiven by some people and I can deal with that as well. I may well lose some friends as the dust settles in the coming year. Funny thing is I want to write I’m me but I am not sure I am me really. That is what this blog is about. I am sure when I get to the point of being me I will still have certain traits(insert your knowledge here but expect most people to think of me as a loud shouty bloke) but I also hope that people will see another side of me. I’m just not sure what that is yet.

Starting to close this blog out now so here it is I have a new partner, a wonderful girl who like me has not had the best of it these last few years, this in itself has challenges as we both bring different baggage to the table. I have developed some “interesting” hang ups recently. On the plus side we both seem to be very patient. Soon she will meet Bob and Kate, yes both of them but for now there is no rush. Why would there be? Time we have.

This blog is a ramble but it is my ramble and is all about me

I haven’t even talked about what I did at the weekend so another blog will be needed soon.

Searching for Gobi Lord continues but I think I’m finding him slowly…

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